“A Matter of Death and Life”  Reading Video  by George Yen   

The Irvine Book Club invited Dr. Hsin Chang led a reading of “A Matter of Death and Life.”

With a physician’s clarity and a reader’s tenderness, she guided members through Irvin and Marilyn Yalom’s final chapter.

Her voice broke at times, and many quietly wiped away tears.

The session opened heartfelt sharing among members, turning the gathering into an unexpected conversation about life itself.

That day, they weren’t just hearing a book — they were finally hearing their own lives.

Dr. Chang noted that Irvin and Marilyn were both born on the East Coast—he in an immigrant family, she in a literary home.

They met in high school, he was shy and she was confident, and their sixty-five years together—from youth to life’s end—anchor the book’s emotional core.

Weakened Steps · Painful Echoes

“This is not a book about death,” Dr. Chang began. “It is a book about how to love well in the time we have.”

At age 87, Marilyn was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. Facing the countdown of life, she invited her husband Irvin to document their final season together.

Through a physician’s lens, Dr. Chang described Marilyn’s treatment side effects, cognitive decline, and physical weakening. 

Through a reader’s heart, she reflected on Marilyn’s literary strength – her clear, graceful, and honest record of her body’s descent and her mind’s preparation.

“She knew she was leaving,” Dr. Chang said. “And she believed this clarity hurt even more than the pain.”

The room fell utterly still, as if everyone could hear life slowly folding inward.

Shadows Remain · Hearts Collapse

Dr. Chang followed her presentation to trace Marilyn’s journey – from walking to requiring support, from reading with focus to drifting in a medicated haze, from daily conversations with Irvin to long stretches of sleep.

She quoted Marilyn’s journal : “Today I am more tired than yesterday. And tomorrow, I will not be more awake than today.”

“This is not a complaint,” Dr. Chang said, her voice catching. “This is Marilyn holding tightly onto the last pieces of her autonomy.

She wasn’t afraid of death—she feared leaving words unsaid.”

Irvin’s writing trembled even more than Marilyn’s body. While she was still alive, he already felt the shadow of loss closing in.

Dr. Chang pointed out Irvin’s honesty in describing his anticipatory grief :Interrupted sleep. Tightened chest. Withdrawal. Subconscious denial.

When she read the line – “She is still beside me, yet I have already begun to lose her.” – several attendees lowered their heads, quietly wiping tears.

Final Hours Pass · Silent Vigil

The heaviest moment in the book came in Marilyn’s final 36 hours.

She drifted in and out of consciousness.Irvin never left her bedside.

Each breath felt like a countdown.

When she finally exhaled for the last time, Irvin rested his forehead on hers and wrote the line that has shattered readers around the world :“I shall never see her again.” The room was silent. Not a single sound.

Grief Unseen · Healing Aglow

Dr. Chang explained that Irvin’s emotional collapse was “psychology in its rawest form.”

He could not sleep. He drifted aimlessly. He even caught himself wanting to record the day’s events – so he could “show” Marilyn.

“Grief is not an illness,” Dr. Chang emphasized. “It is proof that we once loved with our whole selves.”

She walked the audience through the phases of grief–denial, anger, emptiness, confusion, reconstruction – and noted how Irvin slowly rebuilt life through walking, writing, and reconnecting with others.

“He later wrote,” she added, “‘Her photo no longer pierces me. It warms me.’”

Healer’s View · Life Redrawn

Dr. Chang reminded the audience that : “Death is uncontrollable, but life is ours to define. Pain is fact, but love is power.”

Every goodbye, she said, asks us to grow.

Drawing from clinical experience, she added :“What patients fear most is not death – it’s losing dignity. Marilyn chose to leave with as much dignity as she could.”

Voices Unfold · Lives Resound

As the session neared its close, Dr. Chang summarized the message Irvin hoped readers would carry : Keep the heart soft and the eyes bright. 

Hold deep connections with family and friends. Serve others generously. Fear not death – fear an unlived life.

Attendees then began sharing their own stories.

Retired UCI professor Teresa Sun reflected on her resilience: “My husband and I were married for more than sixty years. After he passed, I told myself to stand on my own and find my rhythm again.”

She added simply: “That’s why I never miss an Irvine Book Club lecture—I want to keep learning and moving forward.”

Their voices rang like quiet, steady chords – solemn, luminous.

Reflect on Life · Begin Again

This reading was not simply a lecture – it was a quiet healing.

With a doctor’s insight and a reader’s tenderness, Dr. Chang turned the weight of mortality into a soft, steady light.

When death is brought into the open, we see more clearly – “what to treasure, what to release, and what cannot wait.”

President Rose thanked Dr. Chang for bringing clarity and warmth, and thanked members for their honesty and courage.

Rose added that the true treasure of the IBC isn’t the books themselves, but the genuine companionship found along life’s journey.

 

 

Full Recording of Dr. Hsin Chang’s Reading   by/ Teresa  Lin

Dr. Hsin Chang’s Reading Slides 

Dr. Hsin Chang’s Reading Slides   by Dr. Hsin Chang